You love every minute of sleep you can get so it's hard to understand why your little one is so resistent to it. I realize eveyone has their own rules when it comes to what they will and won't do when it comes to their children's sleep, so I'm going to stick to the expert's advice that has helped me. I found this article years ago that really made sense to me and I still refer to it often (mostly the sleeping chart). I used this method with my son and he is a great sleeper! Keep in mind that the lady who wrote this article has a 10-month-old and is consulting an expert, so this is geared toward her 10-month-old but most of it can work for younger babes (and should be introduced much earlier). Here are the highlights:
-"If a child doesn't go to sleep at the physiologically appointed time, his brain will say, 'Fine stay up then,' and secrete a chemical called cortisol to help keep him awake. As result, it takes him longer to go to sleep when you finally get him to bed and thanks to residual cortisol in his brain, he'll wake up earlier than usual the next day, be overtired, and have trouble napping. It's a downward spiral. Sleep deprivation is cumulative-the less you sleep, the less you sleep."
-"Why can't I get my baby to sleep or back to sleeping through the night? The answer is simple: I'm not supposed to be getting him to go to sleep-he should be putting himself to sleep. All that nursing and rocking and back rubbing is not only useless, it's also detrimental. Putting yourself to sleep is a learned skill."
Babies should:
1. take naps in their cribs, not the carseat (this is hard for me). This teaches them that cribs are a place to sleep
2. be drowsy but awake when put down, fall asleep on their own, and if they wake up during the night, be able to drift back off without help
Babies need:
1. a room of their own while learning to sleep. Then teach siblings good "sleep manners" if they're moved back in.
2. room-darkening shades and insulation from household noises (white-noise machine or fan) are helpful
3. one true lovey (security object)-a blanket, doll, or stuffed toy to make the transition to sleeptime. Have an intended object of affection on hand while nursing and encourage baby to squeeze it instead of you. (for my boys this is their "woobies" little knit blankets my mom made. They snuggle them and wrap their fingers through the holes. For my duaghter it's "Sam Bear")
4. a consistent routine that will cue their brain that it's time to go to bed. Have the same series of things before every nap and at bedtime. The entire nursing and bedtime routine need to take place in one spot/room. Do not let them fall asleep while nursing; if they start to drift off , it's time to put them down.
Here's the steps the author took:
Days 1-3: After reading and nursing, put him in crib and sit right next to it while he cries for however long it takes to go to sleep. You can talk to him and pat him through the slats, but you can't pick him up.
Days 4-6: Move chair halfway between the crib and door and reassure him verbally from there.
Days 7-8: Sit right by the door and talk to him
Day 9: Leave the room as soon as you put him in crib.
(me personally, it's easier to leave the room right away from day 1, than to torture him by sitting in there not holding him, but I understand why that's hard on some people)
How much sleep does your child need?
age *night sleep hrs. #day sleep hours ^daily total
1 week *8 1/2 #8 (4 naps) ^16 1/2
1 month *8 1/2 #7 (3 naps) ^15 1/2
3 months *10 #5 (3 naps) ^15
6 months *11 #3 1/4 (2 naps) ^14 1/4
9 months *11 #3 (2 naps) ^14
12 months *11 1/4 #2 1/2 (2 naps) ^13 3/4
18 months *11 1/4 #2 1/4 (1 nap) ^13 1/2
2 years *11 #2 (1 nap) ^13
3 years *10 1/2 #1 1/2 (1 nap) ^12
4 years *11 1/4 #0 ^11 1/4
5 years *11 #0 ^11
Hope you find this helpful. I didn't follow this religiously, I had to adapt things for our house and family circumstances. As I mentioned, this writer started this when she was struggling with her 10-month-old but it is recommended that you start much earlier than that. Newborns can't be spoiled. They need to eat at night and take awhile to learn when it's nighttime. But once they turn 3 months they have the memory to be spoiled and know how to work mom. This is a good time to start teaching them how to sleep before they start developing bad habits you'll have to break. If you wait until they can stand up in bed it becomes even more difficult for them to learn to sleep on their own (you lose the advantage that they're already laying down). It may sound mean, but they'll learn much quicker earlier and it will be a lot less stressful and healthier for both of you! Feel free to enter a testimonial or completely disagree with this.
P.S. I had this lined up nicely but it decided to center on it's own and I can't do anything to change it's mind. Sorry. If you would like the nice-looking chart e-mail me and I'll send it to you, then I won't feel bad I took the time to make it only to find it wouldn't post.
